Dear Mum-expecting-baby-number-two.

To my beautiful best friend,

There are a few things I really wanted you to know before your gorgeous new bundle arrives. Just in case it’s 2 in the morning, and you’re feeling those night time lonely blues, you have something written down to refer to, to know that I love you, I understand what you’re going going through and I’m here for you. Although possibly not at this very moment, it has taken almost 3 years to get both of mine to sleep all night and I’m making the most of it! 😉

1. You will feel constantly guilty. The Mother’s guilt will not just double but morph into something bigger then the pile of washing that will accumulate by the machine.

2. Your first born will probably eat far too many ready meals. This is ok though, it just means that if they refuse to eat something, you will feel less rage in comparison to if it’s a meal that you gave up a nap to make for them.

3. You will endure far more bad latching during night feeds then first time round, this is because, in a desperate attempt to stop the baby waking your bigger baby, you will just want to stop the screaming. This is partly out of concern for your biggie’s welfare and also because you sure as hell don’t want to deal with them both at 3am!

4. There will be more instances of your baby having up-the-back poo-plosions as you are walking out the door. How you deal with it depends on how urgently you need to be somewhere. You may change them in the door way, you may have to hose them off in the shower and stick them in the sling in just a nappy & snowsuit. One thing is for sure, you will not be doing anything that takes too long in case your first born gets bored & takes all their outdoor clothes off again.

5. Your baby will spend far more time in a sleepsuit. Not a fresh going out sleepsuit but the suit they actually slept in. On a good day you will sponge off the sick marks.

6. You will never know what to buy your second for birthdays or Christmas. It doesn’t matter though, your house will already look like a cross between hamleys and the crappy toy carousel in your local shop, ( thanks for all the plastic tat magazine companies!!), plus the youngest will only ever want to play with whatever your eldest is, especially fun if this contains unsuitable small parts.

7. Your baby will get part of their nutrition from things they find on the floor. First time round, you made sure the floors were always clean. Second time you consider it immune system building and only intervene if they are about to eat the dog or cat food. There are limits!

8. You will be amazed at all the stuff you really really don’t need. Your baby will spend far less time at any milestone then you remember with your first. Rather then a case of documenting every facial expression on camera, it will more of a, ‘when did they learn to roll over?!’ parenting experience. This may be after they fell off the bed. 😱

9. That one toy that used to buy you 10 minutes for a shower first time round and you’ve raved about to every new mother ever since? Your new baby will hate it.

10. You will forget your identity. When you finally emerge, blinking out of the new baby fog, (and you will!!), you will have no idea what music you like, what clothes are fashionable, which books you like, (anyway, you probably won’t have the concentration to read more then a paragraph before a vital, urgent job pops into your mind), or what it is like to leave the house alone/with just your other half/in the evening.

11. You will most likely eat way too many pringles, fish fingers and cake in the first months. (Ok years!) After the effort of purchasing and heating up your first born’s ready meal, all you will have the energy for is a snack from the cupboard, after polishing off the ready meal leftovers of course.

12. You will doubt yourself a lot. You will quickly realise you do actually clear space in your brain to retain important new things like the children’s tv channel numbers and where you hid your cake, and so you have forgotten most of the basic baby care essentials. Like ALWAYS packing several spare outfits and nappies. Even if you are just popping out for two minutes. If you forget, the severe puking incident on the shop counter with no muslins   handy will soon jog your memory.

13. Your new baby will have a huge percentage more second hand then your first. Especially clothing. For a start, you will now know far more people with children who are dying to have a clear out see their first born’s beautiful expensive baby clothes get some more wear. 😉  You will also not change their clothing half as much and so have no need for as much. See point 5.

After all, you don’t really go anywhere now. Forget about dinners out with everyone admiring your cute well behaved baby, now you will have rushed meals at generic family restaurants. It will be stressful and you will leave slightly unsure whether anyone actually enjoyed it. You will feel happy that you don’t have to cook tonight though! (Heating up a ready meal is technically cooking ok!)

14. Before the baby arrives you will probably have 2 main thoughts. What will happen with my eldest when I go into labour and will I have enough love for another when I love my big baby soooo much. Firstly, have a good plan in place to deal with labour, don’t forget you will have a fair bit of time huffing and puffing usually, it’s pretty rare to have those ten minute tv labours, although it does happen, and if it does to you, at least it will be over very quickly and your first won’t have time to really register what is going on.

As for the love, it is so true that your heart just expands to make room. It can take a while to adjust though, you may find yourself resentful of your first when you want some newborn staring time and they do not! A good friend told me this and it made me feel much less guilty when it happened with us. Swings and roundabouts though as you will soon find yourself irritated by a stroppy toddler when you are trying to do an activity with your precious big baby.

15. Time will fly. I mean seriously fast. It will whizz by like you wouldn’t believe. Soon you will have two children out of nappies, out of buggies, no more naps, and you will wonder where those years went.

This is where the real fun starts though. Life gets an awful lot easier. Unless you go for number 3 of course!! 😆

I will be here for you every step of the way. Despite everything, I wouldn’t for a minute change things, and I have two gorgeous children who I love to bits and who love each other. When they are not fighting like cat and dog of course! 😉 It has been the hardest job of my life but the reward is greater then any cash bonus, (not saying that it wouldn’t be nice though!), I’m so impatient to meet your new little darling, I am almost as excited as if it were my baby!

I can’t wait for newborn cuddles. I get all the fun bits now!!

All my love,

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